This guest post is written by Abigail Wilson, a military wife, who suffered the heartbreaking loss of losing one of her twin daughters. She shares her emotional story of hurt and hope in the book, The Day Between. Welcome, Abigail, and thank you for sharing your story with us!
In 2012 my husband Brett and I learned we were pregnant for the second time and…surprise, it was identical twins!!! We soon found out our girls had something called twin to twin transfusion where they shared a placenta and therefore one of the girls was getting all my nutrients while the other wasn’t getting any. Thus began our harrowing fight to save our girls lives. After it was all said and done, and I was holding one of my newborn daughters in my arms and grieving the other, the Lord told me to write our story. You can read all that we learned in that sacred space between grief and hope in my book, The Day Between: A Memoir of Miracles.
Today I am grateful to Sarah for allowing me to share this little excerpt from my book. I truly hope it blesses you today-especially if you are struggling in a season of waiting.
Early on in my pregnancy we could already tell our girls might be in trouble, but our doctors were just telling us to “wait and see”. This is what I wrote in my book about that particular time:
This part is hard to recount because when I look back on it with hindsight, it dredges up so many what-ifs. What if I had known more, done something sooner, asked for more advice, or gone to different doctors?
Yet, this is all part of the lesson that comes from the day between – from a forced upon day of rest.
Those words from my blog post way back at the beginning of our story seemingly whispered in my ear: The disciples had to, “Sit and wait with nothing to do.” And this was our own time of waiting instead of a time of action.
When my husband and I talk about this particular part of our journey, we always come back to this: Even in those days of uncertainty, the Lord was in charge.
It’s easy to believe God is working when His movements are visible. But what about the days, weeks, or months when His hand is not apparent? Can I believe the Lord is present in those times too?
This reminded me of the Bible story in the Gospel of John chapter 11 when Jesus heard His friend Lazarus was sick. It says that because Jesus loved Mary and Martha (Lazarus’ sisters), he waited for two days before going to Lazarus’ house. Can you imagine how the sisters felt? They sent a message to Jesus letting him know that Lazarus was really sick and instead of Him rushing over like they imagined He would, He seems to inexplicably do nothing!
But it was because Jesus loved them that He waited.
How powerful to think that seeming apathy could actually be an act of the Lord’s love on our behalf. When Jesus finally got to Lazarus’ house, it was obviously too late, at least by human standards. Lazarus had been dead for days. His sisters took turns telling Jesus, “If you had been here, my brother would not have died.” They had had faith in Jesus’ power, but not in His timing.
During their days of waiting, Mary and Martha could not see Jesus’ plan. They prayed for healing that didn’t come. While all along Jesus had a more remarkable miracle in mind. He called Lazarus out of the tomb and raised him from the dead.
It is hard for a chronic doer like myself to remember that God’s timing is essential to His plan. Waiting for His timing may even feel like neglectfulness to us, only because we can’t always see what He is doing. We would be satisfied with a small miracle now, just because it would show action on God’s part. But His plan is, instead, to wait and reveal even more of His power later.
It was hard for our family to wait and to watch our baby girls slip further and further into serious danger. But our time of waiting was a testament to God’s love for us. I probably won’t understand all the details of how His love was at work until I’m in heaven, but I do believe, even in those days of seeming inaction, He was with us.
I do hope this little piece of my story has blessed you today! When I wrote my book my greatest desire was to honor moms who have lost babies, but in the end it was something even bigger- isn’t that always how it is with the Lord?!
Abigail Wilson is a Christian memoirist and blogger. She lives in San Antonio, Tx with her husband, three children and a healthy dose of humor and caffeine to keep her company.
She loves traveling, sleeping, sitting on beaches without getting in the water and writing about herself in the third person for biography purposes. You can find her on Instagram @abigailsday and on her blog:www.abigailwilsonauthor.com and of course, purchase her book, The Day Between: A memoir of miracles.